Ahhhh yes! Fall sure was in the air this weekend, after a grueling Friday in the city of *sweat your balls off* heat, the chill of the wind that came Saturday was a welcome change. While I’m not entirely ready to ditch my Tims’ cotton candy chills (see end of post) for pumpkin spice anything just yet, I was very content to be able to bust out my cardigans and cute sweaters that didn’t quite fit this time last year. I could write a whole post about the horrors (and wonders I will admit) of pregnancy, alas that is not my goal today… What was today’s goal again? Oh yes! The Fall semester.
I can feel the new school year creeping up on me like some kind of cruel prank, except you know, it’s not a prank. While I have everything in order as far as my timetable and the daycare schedule for my LO, I still feel so so so overwhelmed. Each day seems to bring more and more conflict between the parts of me that want my daughter to stay quiet so I can clean and organize as well as the part of me that wants to say “screw the house, I love you, I’m not putting you down ever again. Ever.” I know from talking to family that this feeling is entirely normal, but I somehow feel as though my upcoming reality is just slightly more daunting than people think.
Come September, 5am mornings, pumping every two-four hours, and late nights cramming/cleaning/other various mom duties is just going to be my reality. I am already feeling the pressure of student debt hanging over me. That eerie terror of the future that haunts my email and bank account, and while I would have laughed at my friends complaining about student debt before (I mean I am a single mom after all), I don’t think I will ever dare to do so again. The broken record in my head keeps telling me “you’re doing this for both of you” (and as if I could forget, many *kind* souls tell me the same thing daily) but the anxiety of the matter is inescapable. I am low-key (okay very not low-key) fearing a burnout and utter exhaustion, but let the party begin I guess.
This morning even, when I logged onto my school email to check if there were any updates about wednesday (I have an orientation type thing coming up) I had a COUNTDOWN CLOCK rudely shoved in my face. The reminder, I’m sure, is exciting to all first year college students save few (even I’ll admit my nervousness and anxiety are almost matched with excitement, despite the tone of this post.) However, being the student I am and waiting on my OSAP to finally clear, I find it slightly nerve wracking. I need my OSAP papers as a final step to get my spot 100% secured, as well as A’s daycare (even though that’s all settled and not so much the worry). Three weeks left guys. Three weeks.
Yes. Well I feel like I have summed up my anxiousness here…. So have something happy on me! The Tim Horton’s “Cotton Candy Chill” Recipe…. n case you wanted to ruin some poor teen in training’s day *winky face*.
- Frozen Raspberry Lemonade
- Hold the lemon part
- Add 1 Vanilla Shot
- Add Cream to the second line
- Blend Blend Blend
- Whip Cream on top
YOU’RE WELCOME BY THE WAY
-Anywho, hope everyone has a nice day and great week… I’ll be back after *whatever* it is this orientation thing is about!
codingmamablog 